The delicate balance of our family’s daily schedule is built firmly on the concept that the babies feed together every three hours. We have been increasing the amount that they eat and they have growth at a healthy rate. We couldn’t be happier. Lawson has come a long way since his time in the NICU. Almost immediately upon his arrival at home, safe from the judginess and prying eyes of the nurses and doctors and consultants he held his own and drank his portions. They called after his first appointment with the pediatrician to inquire about how he was doing and seemed almost disappointed to hear that his Dr. said he was thriving. We have not slept much, but had still settled somewhat into the routine of things. It was much better having everyone at home, but also much more work to take care of the twins then when we had each taken one to care for while Lawson was confined to the hospital.
The babies are growing and now things are changing. That delicate balance has been thrown into upheaval. Sometimes the babies will sleep a lot more at night, alowing Sara and I to do the same. Other nights they seem to be fussy all night long. One will stir and cry until soothed only to stir and cry moments later and once sound asleep the other will jump in as though they were on shifts.
This weekend has been particularly tough on me as I am not used to caring for the babies all day like Sara is. She faces challenges throughout the day caring for our children that I don’t normally see, but this weekend they have been so terribly difficult to manage and I could not believe how frantic I became trying to juggle the two as they continually cried apparently out of just wanting to be held. They are so perfectly wonderful that though they make things incredibly difficult it is impossible to be anything other than totally in love with them, yet at the same time the stress that they cause is so high due to the constant screaming and fussing that I find myself bouncing back and forth between them in desperation, begging them to calm down and give us some peace.
Saturday we went out for lunch and they were a joy. Everybody loves them and when we walked about Bridgeport and shopped Barnes and Noble they were the center of attention. We were out long enough that we needed to take a break to feed them, which we have done before on a weekend lunch date, but this was the first time we had to do an emergency diaper change in public. All in all, the whole outing went very smoothly.
When we arrived home was when things changed. Suddenly the babies would not stop crying. They were inconsolable. I would calm Gwendolyn and Lawson would scream his head off. I would set her down to comfort him and she would start up again. I was trying to handle them myself while Sara pumped her milk. I did not have dinner. I made myself a stiff drink and could not even drink it. For hours straight I had my hands full and could do nothing to effectively calm and satisfy my babies. Mostly they wanted to be held and I eventually managed to hold them both simultaneously, but that alone was not enough. Lawson in particular was screaming like a banshee. We determined that it was gas and When Sara finished pumping we were able to administer some gripe water to ease his pain and work things out. He slowly became better and peace was finally achieved in the Lundberg Household. When both babies were swaddled and placed in their bassinets I sighed in relief, releasing my exasperation and all of the tension of the evening.
We carried on with our nighttime routine and the babies slept well after their busy day. They woke only once in the night and did not require much attention after bedtime before the morning, But my oh my that few hours early saturday were the toughest hours ever in parenthood so far. As the babies grow there have been little hiccups as things begin to change with when they need to be fed. I assumed that the shift from feeding every three hours to every four hours would be a sudden one, but apparently this is not the case.
I never know, for example, if they will need to be fed once or twice during the middle of the night. They are much more alert lately, which is amazing for being able to connect with them, but it also means they no longer sleep as much during the day and can be so loud and demanding about being held. This is hardest on Sara, because they are starting to sleep more at night, when I am home but they need so much more attention when I am away at work and Sara has them to herself. Saturday, for me was a glimpse at what she is up against. It is incredibly hard.
I love Gwendolyn and Lawson so much and we are doing great working through those really crazy moments. This kind of thing was very new to me. I don’t know what changes are ahead as these babies continue to grow, but they are so beautiful and so worth every minute.
Cheryl says
You are doing an amazing job!! That feeling of “just when I have it figured out, it changes!” lasts a lifetime. But as you’ve already realized, it all works somehow because you love them to pieces. Somehow it all works. And it is the hardest and best work ever. Gwendolyn and Lawson are two lucky kiddos.