Looking back on Sara’s pregnancy, we spent a lot of time focused on trying to be the best equipped parents we could be. Preparation was a huge concern for us as first time parents, especially knowing that we would have two babies instead of just one. Reactions to the news of twins on the way varied. Some people dream of having twins, others… not so much. The following is my opinion based on personal experiences an impressions. I’m very interested in feedback on this topic so please leave a comment below.
A lot of the time when we would seek advice about parenting twins specifically, our inquiries would be met with somewhat sadistic humor. We signed up for several classes during the pregnancy in hopes that we could acquire some important parenting tools and glean some wisdom. What my feeling is after experiencing some of these classes is that most of the time they are a waste of time. More than that though, they are less about educating you and more about selling something. This is most apparent at a store like Babies R Us.
Much like demonstrations at William Sonoma, a class at Babies R Us will demonstrate for you just what products and features you have to have as a new parent, and surprise! You can purchase them all before you leave. Now, to be fair, I did not take a class at Babies R Us. I only read the brochure. Sara and I did sign up for a class on bathing newborns. We showed up for the class about bathing newborns. Interestingly enough, the staff at the store was strangely comfortable notifying us that the class would not be happening. Apparently, the person who headed the class was a volunteer who had routinely flaked, and yet they had no back-up and nothing to offer the people who showed up having received an email confirmation of the date and time. I had to leave work early and battle traffic that night to get to the store and I was very disappointed in their lack of accountability and guest recovery measures.
The classes we did take were at St. Vincent. We took a Breastfeeding class, which was extremely informative if not helpful. We also took a multiples class, a labor class, and a new parents class. Now, the best of all of these was the breastfeeding class, because it was straight information, lot’s of note taking and in depth discussion on all the relevant topics: The value/importance of breast milk, latching, how to hold the baby, how to bottle feed… We were actually encouraged not to take that class because we were signed up for the multiples class where breastfeeding was going to be covered. The multiples class turned out to be a complete waste of time. People even ditched after we broke for lunch. The class glossed over topic after topic, and the instructor was more interested in scaring us as new parents of twins, than equipping us. I should mention that these “classes” were all day events. They put a huge crimp in our schedule and we rarely left feeling as though it was worth it.
The common theme I noticed among all of the classes we took was that they would attempt to impressed upon us certain ideals and make us believe that these were the things we wanted. Even the breastfeeding class was more about selling the concept of breastfeeding and the need for a postpartum doula than imparting actual practical skills.
I wish I was more prepared for is that the hospital is a confusing place where you are vastly outnumbered by the staff and their policies. I don’t hate hospitals and I am not paranoid about doctors. However, there is a lot about being a patient in Labor and Delivery that leaves much to be desired and you can find yourself flipping from resort guest to inmate in half a second.
The classes do two things: They give you at least a sense that you will have control over what happens at your birth, and they prepare you for what will ultimately happen by convincing you that you want what they have. And what they have is a lot of policies and protocol and consultants who will take advantage of you when you are confused and vulnerable, having you set appointments that will pad the bill. Okay, that’s a bit cynical. But truly, we went to a baby friendly hospital,which is great and it’s what we wanted, but they spent more time promoting the “baby friendly” factor than educating on practical preparation. They emphasize things like breast feeding, skin to skin, natural childbirth and an ungodly amount of time dedicated to the oh so minute risk of SIDS and the overwhelming measures to prevent it. They say they are their to inform and let you decide what you want for your baby, but they weigh so heavily on those decisions that just about everybody ends up thinking they want all of these things. when you find yourself in the hospital and you are reconsidering breastfeeding for example, you will get the distinct feeling that you are being not-so-silently judged.
The big take away from most of these classes is how great the hospital is and how scary and difficult being a parent is without hired help. I hate to say it, but I feel as though we were horribly mislead about how the weeks following childbirth would go and how much outside help we would be needing. When talking about outside help or assistance with the babies the instructors of the classes even downplayed the role of family and friends in order to make hiring a doula a more appealing option. There was also an effort to undermine conventional parenting and promote natural alternatives like cloth diapers, while expressing simultaneous disapproval of products like baby powder or wipes.
The hospital experience is not altogether negative. It was great getting used to our newborns’ schedule while being able to rely somewhat on the nursing staff, but what we found was that caring for a newborn is not complicated, or scary. It’s challenging, but that is expected. Looking back I would forgo the classes. There is plenty of information you can access on the web for free and make informed decisions based on that.
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Nancy Johnstone says
Very interesting, Eric. I really hope that you will make this available to the BabiesRUs management, and the hospital. If you do, add details where you can–what was good, what was bad, what was forgettable. I had my children decades ago, and there were differences based on where I lived at the time, and even the 8 years between them. In my case, with my second husband, the natural childbirth class was excellent. It really did help me prepare for labor, and she also covered C sections. There was a little about breastfeeding. I got more info on that reading, and going to La Leche meetings. There was a little information about initial infant care; that was very helpful.